Monday, September 26, 2016

Behind Every Great Woman

Behind every Great Woman is a Lousy Man.

 Now I know that sounds wrong but, think about it. Your man doesn't help with the kids, never changes a diaper and couldn't feed them if you gave him instructions. They do better fending for themselves.

You're out on the freeway with a flat tire. Can he come to your rescue?? .... no, he left his phone at home and no one even knows where he is.

The plumbing springs a leak and where is he a friend's house watching football and drinking beer. Will he be home soon??  No. Turn the valve and call the plumber he says.

And the car won't start. Dead battery?? Clogged lines??
Who knows.
Is he nearby to give a helping hand. NO!!!
Why not??
Out hunting with his best bud... not gonna be home for a week.

So, you have now learned to be the best mother you can while you still do the shopping and cleaning and managing and transporting etc etc etc.

You learned to fix a flat in the pouring rain. No worries. Next time it'll be a cinch 'cause if you can do it in the pouring rain, in your high heels and your best interview dress, then when you walk out and see you have to start the day with a flat, you be smilin' ----- not to mention that you can also change spark plugs, check timing, check fluid levels and determine you need a new car. That might have more to do with the fact that it's 20 years old and has nothing to do with the fact that it needs another quart of oil. Third this week.

And plumbers..... who needs one of those guys anyway?? They never seem to dress right, why should I expect one of them to be able to fix my pipes, he can't even tie his own shoes! or put his pants on right!!

So, you see, we work our way to greatness because there is never a man to rescue us. It makes us wonder why the guys ever thought getting married was a good idea, because after dealing with the broken car, calling plumbers and car parts stores, does he really think you're gonna be all about rewarding him with a fun night in the sack????? gimme a break a'ready!!!!!!

Now, I know there are those of you out there who managed to find a Real Man. Just know... the rest of us 'Great Women' envy you.  But in the meantime, we are learning to be plumbers, mechanics, medics, drivers, lawyers* (*you ever try to reason with children under the age of twelve??) roofers, (yep fixed that leak, I did) and probably a few I can't think of right now.

But never fear. Next time you find yourself on the freeway, with a flat tire in the pouring rain, with nothing but a screwdriver and a piece of chewing gum, remind yourself you are on your way to greatness ....

......and remember to buy a can of fix-a-flat on your way home.

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